This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence…
My aunty wants to pay for me to have a 21st party out somewhere, she said she’d pay for drinks, food, everything. I have been trying not to think about my birthday this year. I didn’t want to have a huge celebration. I’m scared of having a huge birthday, I’ve barely seen anyone for over a year, and inviting a list full of people I’ve drifted from seems pointless. We’re still friends on facebook, but never speak in real life. I’ve barely made any effort to remain friends. (This partially relates to the fact most friend circles I knew had one or two assholes I couldn’t stand at the apex).
Egh. Don’t want to think about sending invites out.
So… I spent all weekend playing minecraft and pokemon?
I bought pokemon black while I was in Japan, so I have no idea what happened with N, and that whole end scene with the castle mountain that he magically summons from beneath the earth. I shouldn’t have wasted so much time playing, but at least I got to practice reading Japanese, right? Right!?
I’ve survived the first week back at my parents house.
It doesn’t really feel like I’ve moved back here yet: I’ve mostly been sleeping at boyfriend’s house, my single bed is housing a monstrous pile of drawers from my double bed, my floor(drobe) is a mess, the walls are still covered in posters I posted up when I was sixteen (Radiohead, The Matrix, the 15th Australian International Music Festival poster), so it feels more like I’m temporarily living in the space of a former version of myself.
My parents aren’t as bad as they used to be. Before I moved out they would flag every decision I made on my own as stupid, question my goals, basically they made everything seem harder than it really is. I only really got through that seeing a psychologist. I wish I had seen one sooner, though. I had always planned to move to Melbourne to study. My best friend moved, but I didn’t end up getting organised in time. Every time I would mention my plans, my parents would verbally beat me with all of the issues I would face moving 3000km away. Really, they just didn’t want me to go. But their feelings about me and money made me feel incapable of going. Incapable of planning to take control of my life and change it.
My mum has been hovering around me, asking specific questions about my plans for this and that, probably so she can give me advice. I try not to say too much, it’s easier in the long term.
I guess I can’t complain. I’m not paying rent here. I am still giving up a few inches of freedom. I can’t just do things without having to explain what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. That probably sounds like a weak complaint, but when you’re about to leave for the night and your mum follows you out just to ask what your intentions are re: moving out of home and collecting bond money from your previous housemates, it gets a little stressful. Hey mum, I have my own life sorted! I know what I’m doing! Please just trust that, and let’s talk about something else?
Stress! It kills me. This house is full of it. Stressing about little things that I shouldn’t care about.
I’ve got more to ramble about, but I fear my post will get too rambly, so I might just go write it somewhere else.
Just one last thing…
IT RAINED TODAY! I was woken by heavy rainfall early this morning. I was half-asleep, but briefly woke to see and hear the rain outside, before falling back to sleep to dream about a strange bus ride in darkness. I need to go live somewhere cold.
Sooo…I’ve decided to change my course to neuroscience with a diploma in 日本語. Goodbye linguistics, hello physics?
In other news, the bus driver charged me $1 for a bus ride to uni even though I didn’t have my ‘smart’ rider card on me. It’s usually ‘smart’ to bring said SM as our transport system doesn’t like to recognize student cards as proof of concession entitlement. If you pay for a student fare without a valid SMART rider, and you get fined, you can’t have that fine later overturned even if you prove you are a current student.
So yes. Whenever I forget my smart rider, I envision getting on the bus, looking at the bus driver and proclaiming I AM A STUDENT OF UWA! I’m tired and hungry and have two dollars left for the week AND FOUR KILOS OF BOOKS IN MY BAG. PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME / my bus fare !
Today, I was only charged $2.50 in total to get to uni and home again. Things like this make my day. When bus drivers let me get to uni for slightly cheaper? It reminds me that the world isn’t a complete fucking nightmare?
I’m quite clearly procrastinating from something important, because I just wrote a few hundred words to my followers about the woes of transperth…we all know dis
I want to be studying philosophy, not linguistics. I want to be studying neuroscience, not neurosciencey units through the major of physiology. Argh! to change my degree to philosophy and physiology, or just to straight neuroscience? LIFE!
Dreamt about a friend getting run over, singing with the foo fighters (who sounded horrible, in my dream), seeing hundreds of teenagers in a carpark at 7am dressed for a fancy ball, and eating my clothes, because I couldn’t find anywhere to dry them, and decided the only way to get rid of them was to eat them.
Oh my god, my dad is insane. He’s arguing with the neighbours again. This is freaking embarrassing. He’s calling to my brother to RING THE POLICE! after swearing his head off and insulting their whole family. So ridiculous. So embarrassing.
Our neighbours -are- assholes, though, they’ve smashed our fence and a friend’s car while driving drunk, but dad’s reaction every time he makes eye contact with one of them is way excessive.
I don’t like that every time I pull up here, I receive death stares from the people over the road.
Sigh. Too expensive to live out of home again. Gotta put up with this crap >__>